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Just as with your first marriage, your second marriage is a new beginning with your fiance. So it makes sense that many of the traditional rituals and rules of etiquette apply. But which ones?
There is no reason why you should not register for gifts, have a shower, or wear a white, full-length gown at the altar. Whether or not you will choose any of these options is now considered strictly a matter of personal preference dictated by your style.
Charting a new course
When it comes to the ceremony, one of the questions that experienced brides-to-be frequently ask themselves is "Do I really want to do everything the same or do something completely different?" If you were married in a civil ceremony the first time, maybe it’s time to consider a church ceremony, complete with flower girls, a ring bearer, and attendants.
Because you are certainly all-grown-up now, this is your chance to plan your wedding exactly the way you want it to be, without any unnecessary consideration for the wishes of parents. However, you will want to discuss your feeling and carry out the planning with the groom.
On the other hand, if the formality and style of your first wedding did suite your taste, you should feel free to repeat those elements. Nevertheless, since this is a time to look toward the future, rather than returning to the past, don’t get bogged down with history. Using the same reception site or adding the same personal touches would be in poor taste, so should be avoided.
Large ceremony or small
The size of your wedding party, as well as the number of guests you will invite, is entirely up to you. With regard to the ceremony itself, the rules of etiquette would be the same as if you were marrying for the first time.
If you are planning to invite more than 50 guests, arrange to have attendants (groomsmen or ushers) on hand. If at all possible, you will want to have one attendant for every 50 guests.
And Jenny makes three
Children of the bride and/or groom are often a part
of second marriages. If either of you has children, invite them to participate in the ceremony.
Teens make nice junior ushers and junior bridesmaids. Very young daughters can, of course, be flower girls, and little boys, ring bearers or pages. Conversely, if the ceremony is to be small or the ages of the children would make them unsuitable for these roles, you might simply ask them to accompany you down the isle, or meet you at the altar.
Children do not always welcome the opportunity to participate in wedding ceremonies. If you children seem unwilling to play a role in the ceremony, you should respect their feelings.
Incidentally, if you share custody with your ex-husband, let him know about plans to include your children in the ceremony.
Inviting your ex-husband and former in-laws
If you and your former in-laws are still on good terms, you may want to invite them. However, you are under no obligation to do so. Consider this as nothing more than a formality since they would not be expected to accept.
Rarely would an ex-spouse be invited to the ceremony, even if the two of you have remained friends. Think about it. Inviting your ex-spouse to the ceremony leaves him with only two choices, neither of which would be welcomed: accepting and feeling bad or declining and looking bad.
A more sensible and considerate approach would be to invite him to a private dinner, perhaps at your home, after the ceremony and honeymoon.
© Copyright 2005 Bachcroft.com. Permission to reprint this article, as is, is granted as long as the proper attribution (author's biography) is given and all active hyperlinks remain intact.
About the Author
Jean Bachcroft is a former public relations director, founder of Bachcroft and Aloha Labels, and the publisher and editor-in-chief of Town and Country Shopping Bargains Magazine. For designer wedding, holiday, and year-round mailing and return address labels, you can visit her web sites at http://bachcroft.com and at http://alohalabels.com
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