"There is nothing on this earth more to be prized than true friendship."Saint Thomas Aquinas
|
| |
E mom dot com
E Mom dot Com A short story by Ravindra Torane This is a story of a boy named Anko. He liveed in Mumbai, a metro city in India. Anko was 12 year old . He never studied well, he was computer crazy. All the time he sticked to the computer,either playing ...
Love Sells
This article may only be reproduced in its entirety, including the resource box and subscription information electronically or in print. A courtesy copy of your publication would be nice, too!Love SellsBy Dan ReinholdIt's true, you know.Love DOES sell.And ...
Warning: This Article is a Waste of Time
Today's topic, ladies and gentleman, is: Time. We're going to talk about time today because I never seem to have enough of it. And I figure that if I dedicate a whole column to the subject of time and stress some of it's finer points, then perhaps Father ...
|
|
|
| |
3 Surefire Ways to Combat Rising Gas Prices
by Tim Ward
I have heard the rumblings of many of you in
Readerland about the recent spike in
gasoline prices. In fact it's all I seem to
hear about lately. But at least it keeps you
from rumbling about the infrequency of my columns
and articles. Nonetheless, I have decided to
try to help you get through this crisis by
generously providing: 3 Ways to Combat Rising
Gas Prices!
1. Don't Drive Your Car
This is, of course, the most obvious solution.
If you never take the old Plymouth out the
driveway, then it won't matter that at current
gas prices it takes $125 to fill up the 30 gallon
gas tank, or that you only get about 2.51 miles
to the gallon. If you never drive, you could
care less.
Of course, I know what you're going to say. "But
Tim, I have places I need to go-like work. And
the kids have school and soccer practice. And
then there's grocery shopping and yoga lesssons
and dinner at the Richardsons and blah blah blah
and...." Ok, I get the point. Not everyone can
sit around the house writing not-so-funny articles
and searching the Internet for Drew Barrymore
photos like me. I fully understand that some of
you have a life. But just because you don't drive
your own car doesn't mean you can't get around.
The answer?
2. Carpool
It's seems so simple now doesn't it. Instead of
using your gas-Use Someone Elses! Have someone else
pay $5.50 a gallon for gas to take your kids to
school. Make someone else dip into their retirement
fund just so they can cover the gas bill needed to
get you to the office and back everyday. Make someone
else get a second job so that they can have a full
tank of gas in their SUV when your daughter needs
to cruise the mall. It's so simple.
Of course, the concept behind carpooling is that
everyone takes turns driving. So in a normal carpool
situation you would eventually be required to use
your car and spend your money driving others around.
But this is not a Normal Carpool Situation, this is
a Tim Ward Carpool Situation (TWCPS). In a TWCPS you
avoid using your own car by making it so that the other
carpool participants would rather walk barefoot on 120
degree asphalt than ride with you. You achieve this by:
(a) never washing or cleaning your car. Leave it
looking and smelling like the county landfill.
(b) Have the worst behaved child in your family sitting
in the front seat at all
times. Feed the child lots of
candy so he/she is always superhyper.
(c) Refuse to discuss anything in your car except your
spouses bad bathing habits, bodily fluids, hang nails,
chest hair, etc.
(d) Only play reggae music on the radio. Loud!
You shouldn't have to worry about anyone wanting to
ride with you ever again.
3. Ride the Bus/Subway
Many cities have a mass transit system that is an
alternative to driving your own vehicle. If you live
in a city that doesn't have one don't worry-you can
always move. Of course, riding public transportation
does have a few drawbacks, but these can be easily
overcome if you follow these simple guidelines:
1. No matter what happens never, ever make eye contact
with anyone. Making eye contact is an invitation for
someone to mug you.
2. No matter what happens never, ever give up your seat
to anyone. This is seen as weakness, and will be taken
as an invitation to mug you.
3. No matter how tempted you are never, ever strike up
a conversation with the person sitting next or across
from you. This is very annoying and can be taken as an
invitation for someone to mug you. Or worse, for someone
to talk back.
4. Always make sure you are alert to get on and off at the
right stop. Getting off at the wrong stop can lead to
immediate mugging.
5. Never, ever take children with you on public transportation.
Fellow passengers hate children. Children make you definite
mug victim material.
Well, there you have it. 3 ways to deal with rising gas prices.
Hopefully, you will be able to use these methods to keep
from spending twice your car's Blue Book value just going
to Walmart. Hopefully, next time your friends are grumbling
and ranting about the mounting gas prices you will be able to
just sit back and smile, content because the issue no longer
concerns you. Hopefully, I've once more helped my loyal readers
in a time of crisis. And all I ask in return as a simple
thank you next time you see me. Just make sure we're not on
the bus. I'd hate to have to mug you...
About the Author
Timothy Ward publishes the Ward Wide Webzine, a publication that refuses to bring you anything but the best articles and internet marketing tips. it is also slam-packed with humor and laughs. Subscribers are expected to interact through contest and submissions. To subscribe now visit:
http://www.wardwidewebzine.goduck.net
|
|
|
|
|
|
 EXPERTS SAY CUBAN TRIGGER MAN'S IN THE CLEAR - New York Post
Dallas-based broker Charles McKinney pulled the trigger on the massive mamma.com stock sale at the center of insider trading charges against billionaire Mark Cuban. But unlike the insider trading charges that brought down domestic diva Martha Stewart ...
Mac McAnally regards his CMA win with humor, humility - Everything Alabama Blog
The 2008 Countery Music Association Musician of the Year is the kind of guy who appreciates an offbeat question. SPECIAL Mac McAnally says he claims both Alabama and Mississippi as his home state. "I was born in Red Bay because that's where the ...
Bexley graduate national honoree - The Columbus Dispatch
Bexley native Nate Beeler has won the 2008 Berryman Award for Editorial Cartooning for work that appeared in The Examiner , a newspaper in the Washington area. Judges included National Press Foundation board members Peter Copeland, Deborah Howell and ...
Denver Examiners - San Francisco Examiner
Sunday marked the Denver 16th annual Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure . More than 62,000 people turned the city pink for the event. Women, men, children and dogs walked or ran 5k (about 3.1 miles) or 1 mile on the family course. The race raised more ...
'The Daily Show' exposes CNN's terrifying magic maps - Popwatch
I'm feeling a little scared right now. See, I just watched the special investigation that The Daily Show 's always-superb John Oliver presented on Tuesday night, wherein he revealed the hidden purpose of those "magic wall" maps that CNN's John King ...
|
