"There is nothing on this earth more to be prized than true friendship."Saint Thomas Aquinas
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E mom dot com E Mom dot Com A short story by Ravindra Torane This is a story of a boy named Anko. He liveed in Mumbai, a metro city in India. Anko was 12 year old . He never studied well, he was computer crazy. All the time he sticked to the computer,either playing ...
Love Sells This article may only be reproduced in its entirety, including the resource box and subscription information electronically or in print. A courtesy copy of your publication would be nice, too!Love SellsBy Dan ReinholdIt's true, you know.Love DOES sell.And ...
Warning: This Article is a Waste of Time Today's topic, ladies and gentleman, is: Time. We're going to talk about time today because I never seem to have enough of it. And I figure that if I dedicate a whole column to the subject of time and stress some of it's finer points, then perhaps Father ...
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3 Surefire Ways to Combat Rising Gas Prices by Tim Ward
I have heard the rumblings of many of you in Readerland about the recent spike in gasoline prices. In fact it's all I seem to hear about lately. But at least it keeps you from rumbling about the infrequency of my columns and articles. Nonetheless, I have decided to try to help you get through this crisis by generously providing: 3 Ways to Combat Rising Gas Prices!
1. Don't Drive Your Car
This is, of course, the most obvious solution. If you never take the old Plymouth out the driveway, then it won't matter that at current gas prices it takes $125 to fill up the 30 gallon gas tank, or that you only get about 2.51 miles to the gallon. If you never drive, you could care less.
Of course, I know what you're going to say. "But Tim, I have places I need to go-like work. And the kids have school and soccer practice. And then there's grocery shopping and yoga lesssons and dinner at the Richardsons and blah blah blah and...." Ok, I get the point. Not everyone can sit around the house writing not-so-funny articles and searching the Internet for Drew Barrymore photos like me. I fully understand that some of you have a life. But just because you don't drive your own car doesn't mean you can't get around. The answer?
2. Carpool
It's seems so simple now doesn't it. Instead of using your gas-Use Someone Elses! Have someone else pay $5.50 a gallon for gas to take your kids to school. Make someone else dip into their retirement fund just so they can cover the gas bill needed to get you to the office and back everyday. Make someone else get a second job so that they can have a full tank of gas in their SUV when your daughter needs to cruise the mall. It's so simple.
Of course, the concept behind carpooling is that everyone takes turns driving. So in a normal carpool situation you would eventually be required to use your car and spend your money driving others around. But this is not a Normal Carpool Situation, this is a Tim Ward Carpool Situation (TWCPS). In a TWCPS you avoid using your own car by making it so that the other carpool participants would rather walk barefoot on 120 degree asphalt than ride with you. You achieve this by:
(a) never washing or cleaning your car. Leave it looking and smelling like the county landfill.
(b) Have the worst behaved child in your family sitting in the front seat at all times. Feed the child lots of candy so he/she is always superhyper.
(c) Refuse to discuss anything in your car except your spouses bad bathing habits, bodily fluids, hang nails, chest hair, etc.
(d) Only play reggae music on the radio. Loud!
You shouldn't have to worry about anyone wanting to ride with you ever again.
3. Ride the Bus/Subway
Many cities have a mass transit system that is an alternative to driving your own vehicle. If you live in a city that doesn't have one don't worry-you can always move. Of course, riding public transportation does have a few drawbacks, but these can be easily overcome if you follow these simple guidelines:
1. No matter what happens never, ever make eye contact with anyone. Making eye contact is an invitation for someone to mug you.
2. No matter what happens never, ever give up your seat to anyone. This is seen as weakness, and will be taken as an invitation to mug you.
3. No matter how tempted you are never, ever strike up a conversation with the person sitting next or across from you. This is very annoying and can be taken as an invitation for someone to mug you. Or worse, for someone to talk back.
4. Always make sure you are alert to get on and off at the right stop. Getting off at the wrong stop can lead to immediate mugging.
5. Never, ever take children with you on public transportation. Fellow passengers hate children. Children make you definite mug victim material.
Well, there you have it. 3 ways to deal with rising gas prices. Hopefully, you will be able to use these methods to keep from spending twice your car's Blue Book value just going to Walmart. Hopefully, next time your friends are grumbling and ranting about the mounting gas prices you will be able to just sit back and smile, content because the issue no longer concerns you. Hopefully, I've once more helped my loyal readers in a time of crisis. And all I ask in return as a simple thank you next time you see me. Just make sure we're not on the bus. I'd hate to have to mug you...
About the Author Timothy Ward publishes the Ward Wide Webzine, a publication that refuses to bring you anything but the best articles and internet marketing tips. it is also slam-packed with humor and laughs. Subscribers are expected to interact through contest and submissions. To subscribe now visit: http://www.wardwidewebzine.goduck.net
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