"If we cannot now end our differences, at least we can help make the world safe for diversity."John F. Kennedy
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How to write funny ideas
People are always curious as where do humorists get their wacky ideas all the time. Once awhile you may hit upon a funny line or silly joke, but to churn out an endless stream of funny ideas is no joke(no pun intended). So, where and how do the ...
Wacko Families Operator's Manual
This article may only be reproduced in its entirety, including the resource box and subscription information electronically or in print. A courtesy copy of your publication would be nice, too! Wacko Families by Dan Reinhold You hear about them, read ...
What's So Real About Reality TV?
What's So Real About Reality TV?But some are "personal growth" showsBy David Leonhardt Those people who defend the intrusive presence of a television in private homes always seem to cite "educational value" as its redeeming grace. They mention the ...
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Paypal has made it possible to quickly and easily send money over the Internet. This allows us to pay for all kinds of purchases with a lot less hassle. It also will allow you, everyone who reads this article, to send me, Timothy Ward, $1.00.
Being the cynics that you are, I know you're probably asking: "Why should I send you $1.00? I barely even know you. If I hadn't somehow stumbled onto this article I wouldn't even have known that you exist. I still don't know how I came across this ridiculous article, I was trying to find my brother-in-law's blog."
Since I know that humanoids are by nature untrusting, and I know that you can spare the dollar, I will now generously provide 8 reasons why you should immediately paypal me a buck. I don't think I'll need more than 5 reasons but I like to give people their money's worth. Plus I have a word count to think about. So without further ado:
(1) Sending me $1.00 will keep you from spending it on something pointless like the mortgage payment. You've been faithfully paying on that mortgage for years-it's time you had a break. And it'll only cost you a single greenback.
(2) Donating to a worthy cause can give you peace of mind which, in turn, will help you to sleep better at night. Giving me a dollar may not be as worthy a cause as, say, giving to the Red Cross, but I promise I will sleep better tonight and many nights thereafter if you send me that dollar.
(3) If I were sitting in front of a gas station smelling of cheap wine and wearing the same clothes I had on when I lost my job 8 months ago, you wouldn't even consider giving me a dollar. You would probably tell me to: "Get a Job, ya bum", and then rapidly walk away, clutching your wallet tightly. I, however, am not sitting in front of a gas station, I'm sitting in front of my television. And I changed clothes 2 days ago.
(4) I need to buy some Bling Bling! You're just not in the game if you don't have diamonds in your ears and ice on your neck and wrists. Plus I know a
guy who'll give me a great deal on some gold teeth. But I need more cheese.
(5) Many great artist in history have depended on donations to finance their masterpieces. Your sending me $1.00 will allow me to do the necessary research for a masterpiece of an article that I'm working on called: 'Going Out on Saturday Night and Getting Sloppy Drunk Using Other People's Money'. I'll be sure to acknowledge you at the end.
(6) Fellas, would you rather send me a dollar or have your wife spent it on yet another pair of black heels? Ladies, would you rather your husbands spend it on another one of those magazines that he keeps in that box in his workshop? I thought not.
(7) Time is money. You're already wasting money by taking time to read this article. Another George Washington won't kill you.
(8) The pens and paper I use to write these articles don't pay for themselves. My high speed internect connection that I use to upload these articles isn't free. I don't think $1.00 is too much to ask after the scores of articles I have written and shared with all of cyberspace. After all, if it wasn't for my articles you wouldn't appreciate the good articles written by others.
So there you have it folks. 8 reasons to send me $1.00 via Paypal. As I suspected most of you were sold after Reason #5. I appreciate you waiting patiently until I finished with the remaining Reasons before rushing over to Paypal.com. Now that I have finished listing my reasons feel free to login and send your $1.00 to wailinward@yahoo.com. And please hurry, the guy with the gold teeth isn't going to have those great deals forever...
About the Author
Timothy Ward spends all his free time writing articles and columns that he thinks will help to one day make him a household name. You can visit http://timothyward.netfirms.com and sign up for his humor column 'I Never Said I Was Normal'. Be sure to visit the forum!
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HUMOR: The year ahead, Part IIMadison Messenger, VA - 11 hours agoAttentive readers — that would be those who are not at this point staring into space, wondering why they were reading this eight seconds ago — may recall ... |
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