"You will find poetry nowhere unless you bring some of it with you."Joseph Joubert
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How to write funny ideas
People are always curious as where do humorists get their wacky ideas all the time. Once awhile you may hit upon a funny line or silly joke, but to churn out an endless stream of funny ideas is no joke(no pun intended). So, where and how do the ...
How to write funny ideas and make easy money.
Avoid Cliches and you miss the joke! "Avoid cliches" - that's what would-be writers are always being warned. But in comedy writing,CLICHES offer a rich source of humor. In fact many cliches can be easily and directly used as cartoon captions. As you know ...
The Middle Of Nowhere (Can You Find It On A Map?)
Working from home on websites for international customers has certain occupational hazards if you live out in the middle of nowhere. Allow me to explain. I pay for my family's daily rations of bread, water and the occasional snow flake (when in season) ...
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Lawyer Jokes
Q: How does a pregnant woman know she is carrying a future lawyer?
A: She has an extreme craving for baloney.
Q: What is the legal definition of “Appeal”?
A: Something a person slips on in a grocery store.
Q: Why did God make snakes just before lawyers?
A: To practice.
Q: What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 12?
A: Your Honor.
Q: What’s the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo?
A: The lawyer charges more.
Q: What do you call a smiling, sober, courteous person at a bar association convention?
A: The caterer.
Q: Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?
A: If one side has one, the other side has to get one.
Q: What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer?
A: An offer you can't understand.
Q: What do you call a lawyer gone bad?
A: Senator
Q: Did you hear they just released a new Barbie doll called "Divorced Barbie"?
A: It comes with half of Ken's things and alimony.
Q: What's the difference between an attorney and a pit bull?
A: Jewelry.
Q: What's the definition of mixed emotions?
A: Watching your attorney drive over a cliff in your new Ferrari.
Q: What’s the difference between lawyers and accountants?
A: At least accountants know they’re boring.
Stories:
1. A man who had been
caught embezzling millions went to a lawyer. His lawyer told him, "Don’t worry. You’ll never go to jail with all that money? In fact, when the man was sent to prison, he didn’t have a dime.
2. As the lawyer awoke from surgery, he asked, "Why are all the blinds drawn?" The nurse answered, "There's a fire across the street, and we didn't want you to think you had died."
3. God decided to take the devil to court and settle their differences once and for all. Satan heard this, laughed and said, "And where do you think you're going to find a lawyer?"
4. A lawyer is sitting at the desk in his new office. He hears someone coming to the door. To impress his first potential client, he picks up the phone as the door opens and says, "I demand one million and not a penny less." As he hangs up, the man now standing in his office says, "I'm here to hook up your phone."
And finally:
You Might Be A Lawyer If.... You are charging someone to read these jokes.
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 Review: 'Bride Wars' has wicked spirit, little humor - Contra Costa Times
In this image released by Twentieth Century Fox, Kate Hudson, left, and Anne Hathaway are shown in a scene from "Bride Wars." (AP Photo/Twentieth Century Fox, Claire Folger) ** NO SALES ** Forget those persnickety critics. We want to know what was ...
Panthers' three hurt linemen will play Saturday - FOXSports.com
CHARLOTTE, N.C. (AP) - The Carolina Panthers should have starting defensive tackles Maake Kemoeatu and Damione Lewis back for Saturday's NFC divisional playoff game against Arizona. Kemoeatu, Lewis and right offensive tackle Jeff Otah practiced ...
Review: 'Bride Wars' has wicked spirit, little humor - Contra Costa Times
'BRIDE WARS" could have been your typical cartoonish, early-winter wedding comedy. Although it certainly has moments like that, it's not as wacky as most of its ilk. Guess the bad news is that it's not much of a comedy. Anne Hathaway and Kate Hudson ...
Title: Cipora, I enjoy your humor... - Haaretz.com
The thing is, I am a rational person that can tell the difference between economic plans between the candidates. Obama will let the tax cuts for the rich that Bush and co gave to the wealthy expire. That`s a good thing because those tax cuts for ...
Anne Hathaway: 'Humor Helped me Deal With Love Split' - Showbizspy.com
Anne Hathaway laughed about her split from fiance Raffaello Follieri - to show her friends and family she was coping. The Bride Wars star ended her engagement with Italian businessman Follieri in June last year - just weeks before he was arrested for ...
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